Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Fat People In Hallways
There is a problem with the modern day hallway and it's not found within the architecture or really any of that crap. No this the problem with the modern day hallway is FAT PEOPLE. Oh yes it's that lovely moment when walking out of a ceremony or a meeting, when you find your self stuffed back up one end of the hallway in a human traffic jam. As you look over the grotesque faces of the insane people you are trying to get away from you see the rout of the problem. One of the boring people you barely talk to in order to avoid actually looking at, is talking to that gross blob that you can't help but stare at for your afraid he might eat the poor sap, who has the unpleasant opportunity to be pushed off his chair, by the engulfing monster that plans to eat the dips before anyone else can see them. (descriptive I know but try to stay with me)
You look around to see who will tell him 'to move your fucking fat lump of cheese and curry the fuck out of the way fat ass'. As you look around you ponder as to why this person is just in the right position to hold everyone up. Suddenly it dawns on you that the reason he was so close to the door... was because he was late, because he couldn't accelerate fast enough on the traffic light's because the hunk a' KFC of a man is causing the car to sink slowly into the concrete.
Eventually you work out exactly how to make the walking Hippo of a man move. The answer is to throw a whole cooked chicken just passed his head so that it lands in the car park. This obviously causes him to run onto the road and hopefully be hit by an oncoming derailed train. Of course the train wont kill him but it might stun him for long enough for everyone to get out and away. Unforgettably the people in the train will be killed on instant impact with the dim-sim fulled Giant but it is a sacrifice that will have to be made for the benefit of society.
You look around to see who will tell him 'to move your fucking fat lump of cheese and curry the fuck out of the way fat ass'. As you look around you ponder as to why this person is just in the right position to hold everyone up. Suddenly it dawns on you that the reason he was so close to the door... was because he was late, because he couldn't accelerate fast enough on the traffic light's because the hunk a' KFC of a man is causing the car to sink slowly into the concrete.
Eventually you work out exactly how to make the walking Hippo of a man move. The answer is to throw a whole cooked chicken just passed his head so that it lands in the car park. This obviously causes him to run onto the road and hopefully be hit by an oncoming derailed train. Of course the train wont kill him but it might stun him for long enough for everyone to get out and away. Unforgettably the people in the train will be killed on instant impact with the dim-sim fulled Giant but it is a sacrifice that will have to be made for the benefit of society.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Film Names to Describe Your Sex Life
This week my fellow pirate crew under issue of the captain were tasked to come up with film names to describe our sex lives. Hear are some of the ones we came up with.
- Toy Story
- Curious George
- Water for Elephants
- Predator
- Spy Kids (... yeh)
- Wanted
- Taken
- The Chamber of secrets
- The Longest Yard (In this one we are referencing the content of our pants)
- Monsters inc
- The Love Guru
- Thor: God of Thunder
- Hobo with a Shot Gun
- 500 day's of Summer
- 8 mile(Once again a nob reference)
- Step Brothers
Mornings
One of the many things that I believe is wrong with society... "Mornings". The way I see it is that when you wake up you are coming back into the world.
After we have found our clothes and seen the effects of a weeks worth of Chicken Vindaloo strapped to your stomach and chin, you decide that it's time to eat breakfast as part of your morning ritual. So what a better way to welcome your self back into the world by eating the fried slices of pig flesh topped with half a fucking container of BBQ sauce, and just if the pigs flesh wasn't enough for your morning you take crushed pig testicles and eye balls and intestine, and urinary gland warped in thin plastic so that it looks the nob of the thing you've just eaten, but we like to call it a sausage.
But if that isn't enough to satisfy your fucking morning needs then why not try a unborn chicken baby, or the stuffed up parts of sheep...
But if all this is a bit much for your morning, you wake up and indulge your self in fucking fiber. Sorry but this is something I just don't understand. Why would you eat dust in milk for breakfast, I mean how optimistic can you honestly be if you wake up and eat dirt, it's almost like yes well today's going to be fucking shit anyway so hey let's have a breakfast that will match my personality. I personally believe that if you eat to much fiber for breakfast you'll turn into a science teacher.
The Look Out
After we have found our clothes and seen the effects of a weeks worth of Chicken Vindaloo strapped to your stomach and chin, you decide that it's time to eat breakfast as part of your morning ritual. So what a better way to welcome your self back into the world by eating the fried slices of pig flesh topped with half a fucking container of BBQ sauce, and just if the pigs flesh wasn't enough for your morning you take crushed pig testicles and eye balls and intestine, and urinary gland warped in thin plastic so that it looks the nob of the thing you've just eaten, but we like to call it a sausage.
But if that isn't enough to satisfy your fucking morning needs then why not try a unborn chicken baby, or the stuffed up parts of sheep...
But if all this is a bit much for your morning, you wake up and indulge your self in fucking fiber. Sorry but this is something I just don't understand. Why would you eat dust in milk for breakfast, I mean how optimistic can you honestly be if you wake up and eat dirt, it's almost like yes well today's going to be fucking shit anyway so hey let's have a breakfast that will match my personality. I personally believe that if you eat to much fiber for breakfast you'll turn into a science teacher.
The Look Out
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